Relationship writer

Eric Rogell Writes the Book on Sun Tzu, War and Dating.

Relationship writer Eric Rogell covers the great strategies in the quest for women with his book, “The Art of War for Dating.”
Eric Rogell doesn’t think women are the enemy, but he’s not sure they know that. With that in mind, the businessman, writer and dating coach wrote his book, “The Art of War for Dating.”

Once the head of product design and development for a $600 million mail order company and a Creative Director for national magazines, Rogell is now what the journalism game calls an “influencer.” To the uninitiated, that makes him a lifestyle journalist who writes on the young men’s pleasures of that much-prized 18-45 demographic.

Along the way, he’s observed the successes and failures of his own dating life and the metaphor-mixing slings and arrows suffered by his guy friends. While he doesn’t see dating as a conflict to be endured, he saw enough in the strategy of meeting and getting to know women to draw similarities between the pursuit of the fairer sex and Sun Tzu’s all-purpose text, “The Art of War.”A Crave Online writer can use occasional advise as much as the next guy, so we caught up to Rogell out on the road and fired some salvos at this dating wisdom.

CRAVE ONLINE: When did you get the idea to criss-cross dating with Art of War?
Eric Rogell: I’m not the first guy to look at dating as a war. Look at the phrases that have been used by poets and writers for centuries: Love is a battlefield…The battle of the sexes…All’s fair in love and war…
This battle has been raging between the sexes ever since Eve dropped her “Adam Bomb” back in the First Conflict of the Garden of Eden. And women have been winning the war ever since. They are much better prepared, have much better battlefield training, and have an almost innate sense of how to deflect incoming advances. Plus, they are the keepers of the “prize.”
So, who better to turn to for advice on how to deal with a superior opponent than the master of military strategy himself, Sun Tzu?

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Line

CRAVE ONLINE: Where’s the line between pursuing women and “douchebaggery?”
Eric Rogell: Here’s a good litmus test: A douche bag sees a woman as an enemy to be conquered, while a man who pursues women sees them as a worthy adversary who may end up becoming a valued ally if he handles the situation with diplomacy and finesse.

And it’s not as fine a line as you would think. While doing my research for the book, and talking to guys all over the country, I was surprised to learn that the vast majority weren’t looking for a quick way to trick women into bed or to sleep with hundreds of chicks. They just wanted a realistic, useful, proven strategy to meet that ONE great woman they could have a relationship with. So the douche bag potential was low.

Still douchebaggery exists everywhere. Women have developed pretty keen Douche-dar. That’s not to say the techniques and strategies in the book can’t be used for evil. But so can lasers…

CRAVE ONLINE: If there was one lesson to take from your book — one thing with which to leave the reader — what would like it to be?
Eric Rogell: The hidden “ah-ha!” of the book, and the real way to get the women you desire, is simply by being a better man… Being the kind of man the women you’re after WANT to date, WANT to have fun with, WANT to spend time with. It’s not about pickup lines and canned routines. Those simply help you break the ice, get over your fears, and get in the game. It’s really all about the art of attraction and being “attractive,” not in the sense of looks or physicality, but in the sense of how you carry yourself, your attitude, your strength—the things that women are truly attracted to in men. And, yeah, that takes more work than just learning a few indirect openers.

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Approaching women

CRAVE ONLINE: Has anyone approached you with success stories thanks to your book?
Eric Rogell: All the time. A lot of guys tell me it’s gotten them over their fear of approaching women and they’ve finally gotten themselves a social life. One of my buddies read it after breaking up with a longtime girlfriend, who he thought was The One, and figured he’d never meet another. He ended up dating a half dozen women within two weeks. My nephew also begged me for a copy after failing to hook up at college, and texted me that he ended up with a rotating group of 15 girls. (My sister still isn’t talking to me.)
Women tell me success stories all the time, too. They picked up the book expecting to hate it as a how-to-get-over-on-women guide, but ended up learning how they’ve been repelling men out of knee jerk reaction to things they say. They’ve ended up playing the game themselves, and have met better guys because of it.

CRAVE ONLINE: When do you think a male evolves from horny pick up artist to genuine adult pursuer of women?

Eric Rogell: Most pick up artists would argue that they are genuine adult pursuers of women – and that the AFCs (the Average Frustrated Chumps), and especially the douche bags, are the ones who are giving seduction a bad name and need to evolve.

I personally think it happens when guys realize that you can get a lot more out of being an “attractive” guy and stop doing stupid shit like calling a chick a lesbian or getting belligerent and angry if she shoots you down. The evolved man doesn’t take it personally and realizes there are thousands of women out there, and you’re not going to succeed with every single one of them.

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